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Why Most New Year’s Resolutions Fail – And How You Can Still Succeed!!

Writer's picture: Phoenix CounselingPhoenix Counseling


Counseling session helping clients with goal setting and personal growth, offering hope for the future.

Each year, many people set ambitious New Year’s resolutions with the best of intentions. Yet, by the end of January, studies show that 23-30% of people have already fallen off track. And by the second week of February, that number skyrockets to a staggering 80%.

If you find yourself among the 80%, don’t worry – it’s not too late! You can still achieve your goals by making them more workable. (See our FB post on goal setting.) But first, let's dive into why resolutions often fail in the first place and how you can shift your approach for lasting success.


The All-or-Nothing Trap

One of the biggest challenges with New Year’s resolutions is the "all-or-nothing" mindset. We often set goals that require us to completely transform ourselves overnight – "I'll lose 20 pounds," or "I’ll work out every single day." These big, dramatic shifts sound exciting, but they also come with high stakes. You either succeed, or you fail.

This black-and-white thinking creates immense pressure. When we don’t see immediate results or face a setback (maybe we miss a workout or eat something indulgent), we often feel like we’ve completely failed and give up on the goal entirely. But what if we shifted the way we approach our resolutions?


Acting as If You’ve Already Become That Person

Instead of waiting for yourself to “become” the person who achieves your goal, what if you started acting like that person today? If you’re a shy person who wants to make more friends, start acting like someone who already has a wide circle of friends. Say "Hi" to the cashier at the grocery store, smile at someone you pass while taking a walk, or start a casual conversation with a coworker. By acting as if you already have the traits or habits you’re striving for, you’re setting yourself up for more success because you’re creating the behaviors that will eventually lead to the transformation you desire.

By embodying the behavior of the person you want to be, you remove the pressure of needing to wait for a “final result.” Instead, you’re taking action in alignment with your goal every day. It's not about achieving a specific milestone but about becoming that person through your actions, one step at a time.

Making It Workable: Turning Resolutions into Sustainable Change

Many New Year’s resolutions start with a specific goal, like "I want to lose 20 pounds." But here's the thing: weight loss isn’t something you can directly control. It's a byproduct of your daily choices and actions. If your goal is to lose weight, you’re actually striving to become the person who consistently makes healthier choices. And that person? They usually don’t just want to lose weight—they want to feel confident, energetic, active, et.

So, let’s take a step back and dig deeper into why you want to lose those 20 pounds in the first place. What do you expect to happen when you reach that goal? Maybe it’s not just about the weight itself—it’s about the bigger life changes that come with it. For example:

  1. Confidence – You want to feel more confident in your body.

  2. Energy and Agility – You want to move easier and stay active throughout the day.

  3. Clothing – You’d love to fit into clothes you feel good in.

  4. Attractiveness – You want to feel more attractive to yourself and others.

  5. Social Confidence – You believe looking and feeling great will help you feel more connected and accepted socially.

  6. Longevity – You’re motivated by the idea that a healthier body will help you live a longer, more fulfilling life.

Now, here’s the key: instead of focusing solely on the outcome—losing 20 pounds—let’s focus on becoming the person who embodies these qualities right now. Imagine being:

  1. A confident person – Who stands tall, walks with purpose, and takes pride in how you look and feel.

  2. A healthy, active person – Who moves with ease and enjoys physical activities.

  3. A person who dresses well and feels good in your clothes – Who takes the time to choose outfits that flatter your body.

  4. Someone who appreciates themselves – Less judgmental and critical, more accepting of who you are.

  5. A social, well-connected person – With a supportive circle of friends who appreciate you for who you are.

  6. A healthy lifestyle advocate – Who regularly makes choices that support long-term wellness.

When you start to think about who you want to become, you realize that losing 20 pounds isn’t the only thing that matters. It’s about being the person who feels confident, energized, and healthy every day. So, instead of focusing just on the number, begin living as if you are already that person—making the decisions, taking the actions, and embodying the mindset of someone who has already achieved those things.

By doing this, the results will follow naturally. And if you stay committed to being the person who makes those choices daily, the weight loss and other outcomes will be a natural part of the process.

Start by leading your life as the person you wish to become—one action at a time. That’s how you make your goals truly workable.


How Counseling Can Help You Achieve Your Goals

Sometimes, even with the best intentions and a clear plan, we can still struggle to stick with our resolutions. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, lose motivation, or fall back into old habits. This is where counseling can be incredibly helpful in supporting your journey.

Here’s how counseling can help you make your resolutions work:

  1. Clarifying Your Goals – We can help you dig deeper into your motivations, helping you understand why you want to achieve your goals and how they align with your values. This clarity will make it easier to stay focused and committed.

  2. Building Healthy Habits – Making lasting changes requires more than just willpower. We can guide you in identifying small, manageable steps toward your goals and help you create habits that stick over time.

  3. Breaking Through Mental Blocks – We all have mental barriers that can hold us back. Whether it’s self-doubt, fear of failure, or perfectionism, counseling can help you work through these challenges so that you can take consistent action without being paralyzed by negative thoughts.

  4. Accountability and Support – Sometimes, all we need is someone to check in with. We can provide that accountability and offer support when you encounter setbacks, helping you stay motivated and on track.

  5. Reframing Your Mindset – If you’ve fallen into the "all-or-nothing" trap, counseling can help you shift your mindset. We can help you develop a more flexible, solution-focused approach to your goals, teaching you how to embrace progress over perfection.

  6. Developing Coping Strategies for Setbacks – Life happens, and setbacks are part of any growth process. Counseling can help you develop coping strategies to navigate obstacles without giving up on your resolutions entirely.


No matter what your New Year’s resolution is, counseling can help you stay grounded, focused, and committed to the person you want to become. If you feel like you need additional support in achieving your goals, don’t hesitate to reach out. Together, we can work through any challenges and build the life you desire, one small step at a time.



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